


Sunflower

by tofu_ly



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Lovers, chan is felix’s best friend and he’s Tired, it’s a plant shop not a flower shop but close enough, mutual pining but felix is completely oblivious to hyunjin’s flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25860625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofu_ly/pseuds/tofu_ly
Summary: “I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, I’m just saying you should probably talk to him more before declaring this guy ‘the new love of your life.”Felix nodded. Chan was right; he was almost always right. “So what do I do?”“I don’t know, ask for his number maybe?”“I can’t do that!” Felix gasped.or; Too scared to ask for his number, Felix decides he’s going to keep buying house plants until Hyunjin realizes that he‘s in love with him.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 20
Kudos: 195





	Sunflower

The first morning waking up in a new apartment is always a strange experience. It’s unfamiliar, a liminal space without a history that hasn’t quite warmed up to you yet. Felix was woken by the rousing touch of sunlight slipping through a gap in the curtains, falling across his cheek in perpendicular lines like whiskers on a cat. He sat up without opening his eyes, head heavy as lethargy washed over him, and attempted to coax him back into the cradled embrace of his pillow. It was strong, but Felix shook it off, stretching his arms forward to touch his toes under the covers and teaching all his muscles how to move again.

“Good morning world,” He muttered to his empty apartment.

Felix lowered his feet to the floor, then groaned at the scene stretched out before him. Boxes, boxes as far as the eye could see, and a suitcase cut open like a watermelon, its contents spilling out of its depths and onto the floor. Despite having had the whole previous day to unpack, Felix had chosen to take himself and his sketchbook outside so that he could draw the riverbank that cut close to the side of his apartment. Whilst the movers carried his boxes up into his new, one-room apartment, he had been crouched down beside a patch of flowering dead-nettles nestled amongst the grass. Felix had been so engrossed in his sketching that it wasn’t until one of the movers came to give him back his keys that he even realized how long he had been crouching there.

The sketchbook he had used lay open on the small desk the movers had managed to wedge into an alcove in his apartment. Picking his way through the boxes dominating the floor, Felix took to his previous work with a critical eye. It was just a sketch, but his lines were too messy for him to make sense of. There was a lack of depth in the shading that let the whole piece fall flat. He sighed, he had to do better.

It was too early to do much of anything, but Felix couldn’t leave his apartment in the state that it was. He was here to start a new life, and that life couldn’t get started with all of its pieces stuffed into boxes. He sat in the heart of the chaos and pulled a box towards him, checking its contents as he placed everything inside it on the floor around him. Then he took those pieces and placed them where they needed to go. It only took him a couple of hours once he got started; unfolding picture frames, slotting knives and forks into kitchen drawers, stacking books in piles on the floor in lieu of the bookshelf he had yet to buy. In one box he found a present his former co-worker had given him on his last day in the office; a little rubber succulent. Felix placed it gently on his desk and smiled. Seungmin had been a nice guy, he hoped that they would keep in touch.

Lunch rolled around and with nothing in the fridge and the cupboards tellingly bare, Felix decided it was time he acquainted himself with his new neighborhood. He had gotten a preview driving through the day before and had been struck by how quiet it was compared to Seoul. It was a strange place for a start-up to expand its operations to, he’d thought, wondering if there would really be any business in a town with a population of roughly 10,000 people.

Walking along the road towards the town’s main shopping street, huddled in his coat with the faux fur lined hood, Felix’s eyes kept wandering towards the barren branches of the trees along the way. Part of the reason he had accepted the sudden transfer was his wish to live somewhere a little greener, somewhere he could see the sky for the skyscrapers, but it was impossible to reap the benefits of the move with winter’s hold still tight on the town’s landscape. 

Perhaps that was what drew Felix to ‘The Sill’ that day.

The shop was thumbnailed between a clothing store and a shuttered unit with a large, red ‘for sale’ sign in its window. Despite its size, the shop boasted a sleek exterior with a black shop front, the sign decorated in a tight, white typeface. Bright light seeped out of its picture windows onto the pavement, warding off the heavy clouds hanging in the sky above. There was warmth in that light, beckoning to Felix, who responded to its call and ducked through the shop’s low door to investigate further.

It was a small but wide shop whose every available space was occupied with something green and leafy. Trails of philodendron vines were looped from the rafters, snaking around the swinging lights to map out a path towards the far corner of the shop. Felix picked his way around tables boasting lily pad aeoniums, thimble cacti, and thriving aloe vera; past dormant hibiscus plants standing tall in their pots, unable to see much else past the overgrown shop interior. It was a forest inside, and just as wilting flowers rise at the gentle touch of the sun, Felix felt something rouse inside him as his vision was filled with a palette of color he hadn’t seen in a long while.

Focused completely on the plants around him, Felix didn’t notice the man who approached.

“Need some help?”

Felix emerged from his thoughts to find himself face-to-face with the most beautiful person he had ever seen. The man looked like a prince pulled straight from the pages of a romance novel. Eyes like diamonds, sharp and sparkling, Felix worried that if he met their gaze then he would break into a thousand pieces. He dropped his line of sight to the man’s lips instead; like cherry blossoms in full bloom, delicate, they were pressed together in a clandestine smile.

He was about ten centimetres taller than Felix, dressed up in a cream tie neck shirt and wide canvas pants that flared at the ankle. Despite the small apron tied around his waist, embroidered with the outline of a falling petal, Felix couldn’t help but think that the outfit was rather impractical for work in a plant shop. The light-coloured ensemble was practically begging to have dirt spilled on it.

Felix couldn’t help but stare.

The man looked around, aware of Felix’s wide eyes focusing on his face like a camera’s viewfinder. He coughed into his hand before speaking. “Is everything ok?”

Felix snapped back to attention, shaking his head, suddenly unsure of where he was. He looked at the table by his side, took note of the leaves sprouting forth from a clay pot, and remembered. 

“Uh, yeah… yes! Sorry,” Felix cleared his throat. What should he say? He didn’t know. Looking for some clue as to how he should proceed, his eyes fell on the stickered prices standing up in the soil of the pots around him. “I want to buy a plant.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place,” The man said slowly. “We are a plant shop. As you can see, we sell many plants…”

The man stretched his arms out to indicate the room around them. Felix nodded as though some great wisdom had just been imparted upon him. 

“Yes, there are… uh, lots of plants here.” Felix wanted to hit himself for the utter nonsense tumbling from his mouth. He was sure the shop assistant must think of him as a complete fool. He needed to pull it together. “I would like to buy one, but I don’t really know anything about plants. What do you recommend?”

Not a complete lie. Felix knew a lot about how to draw plants; he knew how petals looked when weighed down with rain, how many pencil strokes it took to imitate the grooves of a tree trunk, how best to use blades of grass to create negative space in a composition. He knew a lot about plants really, just not about the kinds you could buy in a shop.

“A recommendation, huh? Ok, leave it to me,” The man said with a wink.

Felix didn’t need a mirror to know that he was turning as red as roses. Usually when people winked at him, he would roll his eyes and playfully tell them to stop, but when this man did it, suddenly all of his understanding of the Korean language went out the window. All those years of study lost in a split second.

In his flustered state, Felix took a step backwards, his foot knocking into a potted spider plant that had been out of view. It teetered and wobbled before falling to the ground with a loud crack. The pot was chipped along its rim, soil tumbling out onto the shop’s dusty floorboards. The spider plant itself lay forlornly on its side, the tips of its leaves pointing at Felix’s heels, identifying him as the one who had taken its life. Both Felix and the shop assistant stood with their mouths open in disbelief. 

Immediately Felix dropped to his knees, desperately trying to sweep the dirt back into the pot with his hands. It was an exercise in futility, however, as the soil would tumble back out just as soon as it had been pushed back over the plant pot’s rim. The shop assistant knelt down beside Felix and gently took a hold of his hands, pulling them back from the dirt on the floor. 

“Stop, you’ll get all dirty,” He said, before standing up and disappearing into the back of the shop.

Felix stared at his hands as though he had just felt the touch of a divine being.

The shop assistant returned with a dustpan and brush. Motioning for Felix to stand back, he began to clean up the scene of the crime. He cleaned without complaint, without sighing, and his lack of reaction only made the dull ache in Felix’s chest grow even heavier. It was contradictory chaos, part giddiness, and part guilt, swirling around in Felix’s chest and making it hard to breathe.

Once the floor was clean, the pot hoisted back to a standing position, and the shop assistant out of sight, Felix dragged his hand along his face. He had made a fool of himself in front of the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He must think I’m such an idiot, Felix thought.

The shop assistant had turned the pot so that its chipped rim was hidden from view, but even so it was impossible to miss the sudden dip in the pot’s circumference. Felix ran his fingers along the jagged ridge he had created. The pot had been damaged, but he was relieved to see that the plant itself was still in good condition. A little lopsided sign wedged into its soil proudly advertised its price. 

Lifting with his knees, Felix picked the pot up and cradled it in his arms as he took it to the till at the back of the shop. The beautiful man was tipping the knocked over soil into a black bin bag, but stopped when Felix placed the pot on the counter. The man looked at the plant, then up at Felix, then back at the plant.

“Are you out to finish the job?” He asked.

“Sorry, what?”

The shop assistant tagged one of the plant's leaves. “Are you gonna take it out back and kill it for good?”

Felix blanched. “Of course not!”

A grin took over the shop assistant’s face. “I’m just messing with you, don’t worry.”

Felix tugged at his ear lobe. He didn’t appreciate being made fun of like that. “I know that… I want to buy it.”

The man tipped his head to one side, now his turn to stare at Felix. It was hard to stand still under such an intense gaze, but somehow Felix managed not to let his discomfort show. After a silence that lasted a little too long, the shop assistant nodded and began to punch buttons on the till. 

“Have you raised one before?” The shop assistant asked.

“No,” Felix admitted. “I’ve never had any kind of plant before.”

The shop assistant nodded in understanding. “Spider plants are a good starter, since they’re pretty hard to kill and all. There are tonnes of articles online that’ll tell you the basics of looking after them, but if you get really stuck you can always come ask me for tips.”

“Really?” Felix looked at the shop assistant with wide eyes. Despite the trouble he had caused, here the shop assistant was offering to help him out as if the commotion hadn’t happened at all. It was enough to have him overthinking the gesture until Felix cautiously reminded himself that it was just a part of the job.

“Of course,” The shop assistant smiled. “I work here most days, but if you come by and I’m not out on the floor, just ask whoever’s around for Hyunjin.”

“Hyunjin?”

The shop assistant ran his hand through his hair, cheeks suddenly pulled tight like he was trying not to laugh. “Yeah, that’s my name. See.”

He pointed at his name tag. Felix was surprised he hadn’t noticed it before, because there was the handsome shop assistant’s name printed out in gold - Hwang Hyunjin.

“Right! Obviously,” Felix hoped his face wasn’t showing just how deeply embarrassed he was by his shoddy observational skills. “My name’s Felix.”

“Felix?” Hyunjin blinked. “Never heard that one before… I like it.”

That was the final blow. Felix’s fight-or-flight response kicked into gear, and with a round of nervous laughter, and what he hoped were sincere words of gratitude, he excused himself and bolted out the door. His heart was hammering with such force that he was afraid it was going to burst out of his ribcage. He was embarrassed and anxious, but as he walked home with the spider plant in his arms, he found that he was smiling to himself. Now he knew the shop assistant’s name.

Felix returned to the shop in less than two weeks.

There were two reasons for this: 1) he couldn’t stop thinking about Hwang Hyunjin. Even though his transfer meant he had a whole new office and a whole new set of colleagues to acquaint himself with, a task that required his full attention, he couldn’t stop his mind from drifting periodically back to their plant shop meeting. He’d be making coffee during a morning break only to find his skin prickling at the memory of Hyunjin taking Felix’s hands in his own. Felix was worried about the impression he was making, but would still smile to himself every time Hyunjin crossed his mind.

The second reason for his return was that Felix was convinced he was killing the spider plant. He had read online articles with care, made color-coordinated notes and stuck them near the spider plant for quick reference, and had paid close attention to its condition from day-to-day, but when he took it from the window sill to draw one day he found that the tips of its leaves had turned a murky brown color, and so filled with panic was he that he rushed to ‘The Sill’ to see Hyunjin immediately.

However, Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen.

In his place was a woman dressed in a half apron, her blonde hair tied back in a small ponytail, and a pen tucked behind her ear. She called out a greeting to Felix as he entered, then her expression flattened as she focused elsewhere. He approached the woman apprehensively, holding on tight to the bag containing the dying spider plant.

“Excuse me,” The woman turned around as soon as Felix spoke, flashing a customer-service smile.

“What’s up?” She had a comforting voice, Felix thought.

“Er, I was wondering if Hyunjin was working today or not,” Felix asked. Under the woman’s gaze, he shrank.

“Hyunjin?” The questioning tone in her voice led into a quick sweep of Felix with her eyes; from head to toe and back again. Her eyes lit up with a spark of recognition. “Yeah, he’s here. He’s on break right now though, what did you need?”

“Oh, I just wanted to ask him something… er, when I brought this plant a couple of weeks ago,” Felix held his bag aloft for example. “He said to come to him if I had any questions…”

The woman tapped her finger on the counter. “Wait here a sec.”

She disappeared through a door to the left. As it opened and shut, Felix caught a glimpse of bare concrete walls and stairs leading down to who-knows-where. There was no music playing in the shop, so without another person sharing the space with him, Felix’s ears were treated to the rhythmic hum of the plants’ breathing. A few minutes later the door reopened and Hyunjin appeared.

His passive lips grew steadily into a smile as he registered Felix standing there. Felix waved in greeting, returning the smile in kind. He was there under less-than-pleasurable circumstances but god, was it good to see Hyunjin again.

“I didn’t expect you back so soon,” Hyunjin said, trotting up to the counter like a dog running to meet its owner that it hadn’t seen all day. “What’s the occasion?”

Felix placed the bag on the counter, rolling back the sides to expose the plant inside. Free of its plastic prison, the plant’s leaves spread out around the pot’s rim, revealing the steadily browning tips that had worried Felix so much. Hyunjin reached out and lifted the leaves carefully, craning his neck to look at them from every possible angle. He was slow in doing so, taking his time to look the plant over without any prompting on Felix’s part. 

“I think I’ve killed it,” Felix said, pushing the nails of one hand into the nail beds of the other, unable to keep his arms still at his sides.

Hyunjin took his hands away from the plant. “It’s not dead.”

“But the leaves…”

“Don’t worry, this is pretty common,” Hyunjin explained. “Taking care of it is no problem if you know what’s causing it. How often have you been watering it?”

“I’ve only watered it once…”

Hyunjin kneaded his cheeks with his hands as he turned the answer over. He pushed them together to make his lips pout in a way that was so cute Felix wished he could take a photo of him to use as his phone wallpaper. 

“Since you haven’t had it all that long, I’m gonna guess that’s not the problem then. It could be to do with the humidity in your apartment, or the fluoride content of the water,” Hyunjin tapped a finger on the counter. “What to do?”

In the pause that followed, Felix took a moment to check his pulse. Pushing two fingers to his neck, he wondered when it was going to fall back to a normal rate.

“Well, for now, I’ll show you how to leach it, that might help,” Hyunjin said. He picked the pot up and indicated for Felix to follow him.

Behind the counter was a small open space. There were shelves against the back wall covered with yet more plants, as well as various tools commonly used in gardening, and a small mini-fridge with a set of three cacti sitting on top of it. To the left, beside the door, was a stool, presumably for assistants to sit on whilst they manned the till, although it didn’t look like it was used that often. Then, to the right, there was another cabinet and beside it a long and deep sink set against the wall. If Felix were to guess he’d say it was about as long as he were tall.

Placing the pot in the basin, Hyunjin turned the tap on, letting the water pour out for a few seconds before positioning the plant underneath it. He lifted the pot up slightly so that Felix could see the water draining out from the holes underneath.

“Let the water run through like this a couple of times, and then wait for it to drain properly,” Hyunjin put the pot back down and turned off the tap. “Do that again when you get home and then again in a couple of days if it doesn’t seem to perk up.”

Felix pulled his phone out to make note of the advice. The sink in his apartment was small, and he wondered if he’d even be able to fit the plant pot in there, but he knew he had to try anyway. As he was workshopping ways to get around his apartment’s lack of space, Hyunjin produced a small pair of scissors from within his apron and began to snip away at the plant’s leaves. Felix stared.

“Wait, why are you cutting it?”

Hyunjin ignored Felix. He kept snipping the brown tips of the plant away, the cut-offs falling to the bottom of the basin. He cut in diagonally, mimicking the shape that the leaves naturally grew into. Once he had circled the plant, he put the scissors back in his pocket and gathered the tips up in his hands.

“Just giving it a little sprucing,” He said.

The pot was wrapped tight in a second plastic bag before being transported back into its original one. Felix bounced the leaves in his palms. They didn’t feel any different from when he had brought it in but he decided he would trust in Hyunjin’s expertise. After all, Felix’s knowledge was limited to what he had read on Wikipedia.

He inspected the plant one more time, before pulling it towards him. “I feel a little silly for making such a fuss over it now.”

“It’s not silly,” Hyunjin waved the comment away. “It’s hard to know what’s going on with a plant if you’ve never taken care of one before. I’m impressed you even took me up on my offer - most people just leave their plants to die if they find caring for them to be too much of a hassle.”

Felix laughed nervously. He couldn’t admit that the plant had only been part of the reason he had sought out Hyunjin for advice.

“Well, you have the basics down so I think you’ll be fine,” Hyunjin smiled and it was like the sun breaking through the clouds after a rainstorm. It was warm and beautiful and Felix wanted to bask in its light forever. “I’ll answer any questions you have so come by anytime.”

*

“I think I’m in love,” Felix blurted out, just as the phone call connected. There was a brief silence on the other end before his friend replied.

“Oh-kay?” Chan said. “With who?”

Felix recounted the story of his encounter with Hyunjin and their follow-up meeting, taking painstaking care as he described how soft his hands were to the touch, and how pretty the mole was beneath his left eye. He realized he sounded like a lovestruck teenager but he couldn’t hold himself back.

When Felix was done talking, Chan hummed in response, seemingly deep in thought.

“So you’re in love with someone you’ve met twice.”

“Love at first sight is a thing, you know.” Felix retorted, hurt by Chan’s accusatory tone.

“I guess, but what do you even know about this guy, aside from the fact you find him attractive?”

Felix wished he had a comeback for that, but as he mulled Chan’s words over he realized that he was right - what did he know about Hyunjin?

“I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, if you’re talking about someone like that you obviously like them, I’m just saying you should probably talk to him more before declaring this guy ‘the new love of your life.” Chan explained.

Felix nodded. Chan was right; he was almost always right. “So what do I do?”

“I don’t know, ask for his number maybe?”

“I can’t do that! We barely know each other,” Felix gasped.

“Maybe build up to it then. Talk a little first, then ask him some point later down the line. It’s scary, I get that, but if you really like him then you’ve got to let him know you’re interested at some point.”

Felix hated that Chan was right.

The next time Felix visited ‘The Sill’ he had a plan. He entered the shop and took a moment to reacquaint himself with his surroundings, before honing in on his chosen prey: a small table covered in cacti of all sizes in bright, decorative pots. He was deliberating between the different types, trying to decide which he liked best when a familiar voice called out to him.

“Good to see you again,” Hyunjin sauntered out onto the floor. He’d changed up his usual work uniform, replacing it with a white sweatshirt and track pants. Topping off the ensemble with a beanie that hid his hairline, Hyunjin looked casual, comfortable, and, to Felix, attractive as hell. “No plant emergency today?”

“Nope,” Felix shook his head, hoping that Hyunjin couldn’t hear how loud his heart was beating. “I’m here to celebrate.”

“This is a plant shop, not a bar, you do realise that, yeah?”

Felix gave Hyunjin a shrewd look. “Yes, I realize that. I meant I wanted to buy something to celebrate. Like, retail therapy, but for a good reason.”

Hyunjin held up his hands in defeat. “Ok, what are we celebrating?”

The ‘we’ caught Felix off-guard and for a moment he was distracted by the image of him and Hyunjin celebrating together, maybe at a nice restaurant somewhere, laughing at each other’s jokes over a candlelit dinner… he dismissed the dream with a shake of the head. It wasn’t the time nor place to be thinking about such things.

“I got paid!” Felix proclaimed.

“Is that really something to celebrate?” Hyunjin asked.

Felix rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “I guess not, but it’s my first paycheck since I moved, so…”

“Oh, you’re an out-of-towner?” Hyunjin gave Felix a once-over as though he could draw out this information just by looking at him. “Where did you move from?”

“Seoul,” Felix said. “My company is expanding their business so I got transferred out here to help the new branch get going.”

“They’re trying to grow a business in Jeongseon?” Hyunjin tilted his head. “Good luck with that. I didn’t realise you’d moved here from Seoul, though. I guess that’s why I hadn’t seen you around before…”

Felix laughed nervously and they both fell silent. Chan’s words echoed in his head. He couldn’t let their conversation die just like that!

“Oh, you have Christmas cactuses,” Felix exclaimed, picking up a cactus with small red flowers blooming from its stalks. “They’re really beautiful in person.”

“Someone’s been doing their research,” Hyunjin commented. He leaned forwards, closing the gap between himself and Felix so that they were standing shoulder-to-shoulder. The sudden contact was dizzying. “Keep this up and you’ll be a real green thumb in no time.”

Someone had been doing their research indeed. Felix had gone on a Google deep-dive to learn all he could about indoor plants and how to take care of them. It was all a part of his plan to build rapport with Hyunjin. It would be a little strange if he stopped by to talk to Hyunjin and left without buying anything, so Felix had made the decision to turn his small apartment into an indoor jungle.

The more plants he had, the more reasons he had to visit the shop, and the more chances he would have to get to know Hyunjin; or so he hoped. It was a simple plan but Felix couldn’t say he was particularly confident in it.

He chatted with Hyunjin about the cactus a little more, paid for it at the till, and then went on his way, with Hyunjin seeing him off from the front door. He reported this all to Chan who protested his sudden position as Felix’s love counsellor, but listened to him talk excitedly about his plan nonetheless.

“Another cactus… how about a star cactus?” Hyunjin said on one occasion when Felix asked him for recommendations on what to buy.

He learnt that Hyunjin was a big fan of cactuses and had a small windowsill collection at home. His cheeks flushed as he admitted that he liked to talk to them whenever his roommate wasn’t home because it made him feel less lonely.

As he was ringing up the purchase at the till, Hyunjin talked Felix through the different types of cacti he knew about, bestowing great fonts of information in the same casual tone that one would discuss the weather. Felix listened with wide eyes. He couldn’t help staring, and maybe Hyunjin realised this because as he handed Felix the cactus, he made a quip about a picture lasting longer with a well-meaning laugh.

Time passed and the chilly month of January morphed into the equally as chilly month of February. Felix managed to return to the shop before Valentine’s Day, hoping to leave with roses to give his apartment some colour during the last grey days of winter, but instead leaving with yet another house plant. 

“It’s called a sweetheart hoya,” Hyunjin said, holding the pot in one hand. He turned it in his fingers slowly so that Felix could get a good look at the plant in its entirety. After the show was done, he held the hoya towards Felix. “A sweetheart for a sweetheart.”

When he reported this particular exchange to Chan the same night, Felix was talking a mile-a-minute as he analysed Hyunjin’s words, unsure of their meaning.

“He’s definitely flirting with you,” Chan said, but Felix shrugged it off as a simple joke.

He kept the hoya on his desk at work. Whenever he felt his motivation waning, or when his superiors chewed him out for some mistake he had made, he would glance at the little plant with its heart-shaped sprout and feel his strength renewed.

After the cactus and the hoya, Hyunjin recommended Felix a peace lily. As they were discussing how to care for it, the woman with the small ponytail and the pen tucked behind her ear, appeared from the door beside the counter.

“Hyunjin, you can take your break now,” She said, tapping him on the shoulder.

Hyunjin glanced at her. “Ok, I’ll wrap up this transaction and then I’ll swap out.”

Despite being a fair bit shorter than Hyunjin, the woman reached up to lean an arm on his shoulder, watching the two of them finish their exchange. 

“Oh yeah,” Hyunjin raised his head suddenly. “This is the guy I told you about.”

“Our frequent customer?”

The woman stepped out from behind the counter. Felix took a step back instinctively, startled by the sudden movement. He didn’t know what to do when she reached over and took both of his hands in a tight handshake, looking him in the eye with fierce sincerity.

“Thank you for the business,” She said. “You don’t know how much it means to us.”

Felix was stunned into silence. They held their pose until Hyunjin waved a hand between the two of them.

“You’re scaring him,” He said.

The woman let go with a wide grin. “My bad! I really am grateful though.”

Felix looked between the woman and Hyunjin in confusion. Hyunjin caught his eye. “Oh right, this is the manager.”

“‘The manager’ sounds so stuffy,” The woman complained. She pointed to her name tag. “Just call me Jeongyeon.”

“Come on, you can’t just force a customer to get all casual with you,” Hyunjin snorted.

“Well from what I heard, you did the same thing, huh,” Jeongyeon nudged Hyunjin with her elbow, and Felix was surprised to see Hyunjin’s cheeks flush red.

“Shut up, that’s different. We’re practically the same age,” Hyunjin muttered.

Jeongyeon rolled her eyes and turned to Felix. “How old are you, kid?”

“Er, 24…” Felix said, indignant that he was being addressed as ‘kid’ when he was practically in his mid-20’s.

“See!” Hyunjin threw his arms out behind him. “Same age.”

There was something exciting about the revelation they were the same age. Felix clenched his hand tight against his side where the others couldn’t see.

“When’s your birthday?” Hyunjin asked.

“September 15th,” Felix said.

“Oh, I’m a little older then.” Hyunjin nodded to himself. “My birthday’s in March.”

“It’s the 20th, just so you know,” Jeongyeon said with a wink.

Hyunjin tapped her arm. “Hey, I will quit, ok.”

Jeongyeon held her hands in the air and disappeared into the back of the shop, leaving Hyunjin and Felix to finish up on their own. Hyunjin sighed as her footsteps drew further away.

“Don’t pay any attention to what she says,” Hyunjin said. He picked up the bag containing the hulking peace lily and rounded the counter to hand it to Felix. His eyes were transfixed on their hands as Felix took the bag into his possession.

Felix, too, kept looking down, noting the way Hyunjin’s hand fell almost reluctantly against his side. 

“Is your birthday really on the 20th?” Felix asked.

“Yeah, why?”

Felix shook his head, looking back towards the counter. 

“Just wondering.” He said.

When March 20th came, Felix was prepared. 

It had been a point of contention in his internal dialogue for weeks, but after some thought he decided there was no harm in the simple gesture. Chan agreed there was nothing wrong with it, too. So it was decided: Felix was going to give Hyunjin a birthday present. 

The week before Hyunjin’s birthday, he let it slip to Felix that he was scheduled to work that day. He complained about Jeongyeon’s rotas for ten minutes when Felix had only dropped in to buy pruning scissors. He listened to Hyunjin rant on about all the things he could be doing with his day if he wasn’t working, offered his commiserations, and hatched a plan in his head.

He showed up to the shop as usual, only to find Hyunjin slumped over the counter in the corner, staring longingly out the window. He didn’t notice Felix immediately. Felix took a deep breath before rounding the corner with a small wave of his hand.

“Hey,” Felix greeted.

Upon seeing him, Hyunjin shot up to his full height. He opened his mouth to say something, then seemingly decided against it. He instead just stared as Felix approached the counter.

“Are you okay?” Felix asked, concerned by Hyunjin’s unusually subdued demeanor.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m good, it’s just, ya know, working on my birthday.” Hyunjin looked Felix up and down. “You’re wearing a blazer.”

Felix was indeed wearing a blazer. It was a straight-forward black blazer that he only wore when commuting to and from the office.

“I just got off work so I haven’t had time to change yet,” Felix cleared his throat. “So, uh, happy birthday.”

Hyunjin blinked. The muscles in his face were all slack, his lips parted slightly as he stared at Felix. He stayed like that for a few seconds, and when Felix realised he wasn’t going to reply, he held up a paper bag that he’d been hiding at his side. Felix placed it on the counter but the movement wasn’t enough to snap Hyunjin out of his reverie.

“It’s not really a present, so let’s say it’s more of a birthday pick me up,” Felix nodded at the bag. He thrust his hands into his pockets, unsure what to do with them as Hyunjin continued to do nothing but stare. “I just wanted to thank you for all the help you’ve given me these past few months.”

As though released from a spell, Hyunjin kickstarted into motion. He pried the bag handles apart to check its contents. “You brought me coffee?”

“And a muffin! I wasn’t sure what you’d like so I just went with a normal latte… and the muffin is chocolate chip, but if you can’t eat it or anything then don’t worry,” Felix nudged the floor with his shoe. “There’s a, uh, note in there too but please don’t read it whilst I’m here.”

Hyunjin cracked a smile, but the corners of his mouth wavered as he dragged his eyes up to meet Felix’s. “Why? Did you confess your love to me or something?”

Felix laughed louder than he should have. He pulled out his phone to check the time. “I really need to get home… I have another early start tomorrow. I’ll see you around, I guess, oh, and happy birthday, again.”

Felix waved to Hyunjin, who responded in kind, although his own wave was weak and jittery. There was something off with Hyunjin, Felix thought, but he wasn’t sure what. He tried to figure it out on his walk home, but the cool night air that usually gave him the clarity of mind he needed to think things through properly did little to help him that particular night. Felix made it home, got changed, ate dinner, and laid out his clothes for the next morning and still couldn’t decide what was up with Hyunjin. 

These thoughts followed him to work the next day. Felix walked around in a fog, engaging with his colleagues on auto-pilot, not really taking much notice of anything. His thoughts remained muddled as he headed home, stopping by the supermarket to do a much needed grocery shop and paying little attention to what he was putting in his basket. It was only after he had paid for it all and was bagging it up that he realised he had brought far too much and would now have the pleasure of lugging it up the steep path to his apartment.

Spring was underway and the trees lining the roads had regained their leaves. Emerald garlands that hung overhead, giving Felix some small comfort on his arduous journey. He cast his eyes over the street in front of him, street lamps providing intermittent spotlights despite the fact the sun had yet to set. Standing under one of these spotlights was Hyunjin.

Felix stopped a few feet away, unsure whether it was ok to approach him outside of the shop. 

“Hey,” Felix called out.

Hyunjin beamed, and trotted over to meet Felix.

“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you outside of the shop,” Hyunjin laughed. He noticed the bags dragging upon Felix’s arms. “Those look heavy.”

Felix shrugged. “Honestly, I’m slowly losing feeling in my arms.”

Hyunjin frowned, reaching a hand out to Felix, who just stared at his open palm. 

“Pass me one,” Hyunjin said, drawing his fingers back and forth in a ‘gimme’ gesture. “I’ll help you carry them.”

Felix tightened his grip on the bags. “No way. I’m the one who got myself into this mess, so I’m the one who has to deal with the consequences.”

Hyunjin chuckled. “You’re so dramatic, they’re just groceries. I mean it, let me help you out.”

With Felix refusing to hand the bag over of his own volition, Hyunjin leaned over and wrapped his hands around the handle and tugged. Felix started at the sudden movement and let go of the bag, transferring it to Hyunjin, who smiled and grabbed for a bag from the other side in the same fashion. With half the load in his arms, he jokingly lowered the bags to the floor, straining his arms as if he couldn’t lift them up at all. Felix laughed.

“So which way’s your place?” Hyunjin asked.

Despite living within the town center, the path to Felix’s apartment was up a steady incline that turned into a steep road. It was a tiresome trek on days when it was just himself that he was ferrying up and down the hill, but when he had heavy shopping bags swinging from his arms, it became laborious to the point that his legs would be shaking by the time he reached his apartment. 

“Thanks for helping out,” Felix said, a shy smile on his face. “I feel bad that you have to carry so much though.”

Hyunjin shook his head. “I wanted to help! You don’t have to feel bad.”

“I guess,” Felix swung his bag a little, tripping slightly thanks to its momentum, and making Hyunjin laugh with his unintended clumsiness. Felix wrinkled his nose in response which only made Hyunjin laugh more.

It was good to see him laugh.

They kept up the light chatter all the way to Felix’s apartment and within twenty minutes they had managed to dump the shopping bags onto the wooden floor of the one-room space. It was then that Felix realised the absurdity of his situation. Hyunjin was in his apartment. Hwang Hyunjin, the beautiful shop assistant who he was convinced he was in love with, that Hyunjin. He was standing right beside Felix looking about the room at the entirety of Felix’s private life on display for him.

Felix thanked the heavens that he had over-exertion to blame for his red face.

“Thank you for helping me,” He said. “You really didn’t have to.”

“It’s really no big deal,” Hyunjin crossed his arms emphatically. “I’m glad I ran into you actually.”

Felix tipped his head questioningly. Hyunjin ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up but staying beautiful all the same. He didn’t look Felix in the eye.

“Er, about yesterday… I didn’t get to say anything but,” Hyunjin stopped mid-sentence to wet his lips before continuing. “I wanted to say thank you. For thinking of me like that.”

Each word was careful and measured in a way that stood in direct contrast with Hyunjin’s usual cheerful but rough demeanor. It was another side unsurfaced that Felix hadn’t been expecting to see. Like the sun that gave light to the moon, this somewhat contradictory facet of his personality was a part of what made him shine so brilliantly to Felix.

Hyunjin looked up sheepishly. “I was happy… like, _really_ , really happy.”

Felix was quiet for a moment. His chest felt heavy, hot, but not in the way it did when he was anxious about something. No, this was different, it was warm; comforting. He smiled.

“Want to stay for coffee?” Felix asked.

Two mugs of sweltering coffee sat between the two of them as they talked, about everything, and about nothing in particular. Hyunjin detailed all the undesirable tasks he’d been assigned at work, and Felix complained about overzealous colleagues pestering him to go drinking with them. Nothing groundbreaking but it felt so disarming, so normal to just have a conversation like that without any pretense or expectation to it.

“What are those?” Hyunjin pointed towards Felix’s desk.

“Hm?” 

“The pictures.”

“Oh, those,” Felix stood up to bring some of his drawings over to the table. “They’re sketches of the plants I’m raising.”

Hyunjin pored over each piece of paper presented to him, mouth slightly open as he shifted between the sketches.

“These are so good… I didn’t know you drew,” Hyunjin glanced up at Felix, eyes sparkling in admiration.

Felix scratched his arm. “It’s a hobby, I guess. I’ve always loved drawing plants and nature and stuff… it’s partially why I accepted the transfer out here, there’s a lot more to work with, you know?”

Hyunjin lowered his voice, “You’re really talented, you know that?”

The only thing keeping Felix from burying his face in his hands was the fact that the motion would betray just how embarrassed he was to have such praise lavished upon him. Despite the simplicity of the words, Hyunjin made Felix feel like he was the greatest artist in the world, and that his little plant diagrams were renowned masterpieces. It was the first time in a long time that he’d been complimented like that. 

“Not at all, but thank you… I was hoping I’d have more time to draw honestly, but with work and everything, I haven’t been able to find the time,” Felix sighed.

Hyunjin looked thoughtful for a moment before he flashed Felix a conspiratorial grin.

“Did you know we do deliveries?”

It was only a few days later that Hyunjin showed up on Felix’s doorstep, completely unannounced, with a single rose perched between his fingers.

It was beautiful; petals in full bloom, deep red as expected. Cellophane was wrapped around its stem in a cone shape, tied together with a little red ribbon, like the kind of gift couple’s exchanged on Valentine’s day. 

Felix’s eyes grew wide at the rose offered to him. He gaped at Hyunjin, who seemed oblivious to Felix’s steadily rising panic. As realization dawned on Hyunjin his cheeks turned as red as roses.

“I- It’s nothing like that!” He spluttered. 

“What are you doing here?” Felix asked, unable to take his eyes from the rose.

“I told you we do deliveries, right?”

“But I didn’t order anything…”

“Well, no, but just hear me out one sec!” 

Hyunjin’s idea was like this: every Saturday afternoon, once his shift had ended, he would bring Felix flowers to draw that would otherwise have ended up dejected on the compost heap. It wasn’t a bad idea, by any means, but it was confusing to Felix all the same.

“But why?” He asked.

Hyunjin froze. “Well, you know… you said how you wanted to draw more right? But that, like, you didn’t have the time to.”

Felix nodded.

“I thought if I bring the flowers to you, then you’d have more time to draw and jot have to worry about finding a muse or whatever…” Hyunjin laughed, but the sound was robotic, a sterile ‘hahaha’ that was so different from his usual powerful laugh. “How about it?”

Felix didn’t quite understand the reasoning but agreed to it, since ultimately it would mean he could see Hyunjin more often.

The next time Hyunjin visited, he brought peonies with him. They were beautiful and Felix accepted them gratefully. He tried to give Hyunjin money for the delivery, but he jumped away from Felix’s offering and ran off down the hall whilst Felix shouted for him to get back there. This happened every subsequent week until at the pass-off one day, Felix grabbed onto Hyunjin’s arm to stop him from running away.

“If you won’t let me pay for them, at least stay for coffee.” Felix said.

So it became that Hyunjin would bring Felix flowers and then stay to watch him draw them, sitting at his side the entire time as Felix grumbled about things like composition and lighting and drafted his sketch over and over and over. He wondered if it was boring for Hyunjin, but he really didn’t seem to mind. He’d sit and sip coffee and chat with Felix as the afternoon sunlight enveloped them both in a warm embrace.

“I know I’m the one who sold you them but… don’t you have too many plants?” Hyunjin said, interrupting Felix as he was drawing one day. It was the end of May and a pot of azalea was sitting in the center of the low table. “It’s like a jungle in here.”

“Maybe,” Felix agreed. He decided to take a break, picking up a spray bottle, and spritzing a basket of Baby’s Tears hanging from a curtain rail. “I kind of like it like that, though. It makes living alone feel less… well, lonely.”

When Felix turned back around, Hyunjin was watching him with his face held in his hands. Their eyes met and Hyunjin scrambled back into his previous relaxed position, averting his gaze to roam the small apartment. Thinking nothing of it, Felix returned to the table.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend you could live with or something?”

Felix tried to control himself but a small but explosive laugh escaped through his lips. Hyunjin stared. 

“Sorry, it’s just, I haven’t really dated anyone in a long time,” Felix explained. “I had a boyfriend back at the start of college but that was years ago now.”

Hyunjin drew his knees to his chest, nodding. Felix watched him closely, unsure if it was something he should have revealed so suddenly.

“How about you?” Felix ventured, deciding to be brave.

“Hm?”

“Do you live alone?”

Hyunjin nodded. “My parents decided to move to Seoul a few years ago so I had no choice but to find my own place. I lived with my ex for a bit but then he broke up with me so I ended up moving in with my current roommate.”

Now it was Felix’s turn to nod in understanding. Both of them were curled up, hugging their knees, and when they caught each other’s eyes again, they fell about in fits of giggles.

In this way Hyunjin continued to bring Felix flowers and Felix continued to draw them, even though the arrangement was still confusing. He didn’t want to tell Hyunjin to stop once they had started. 

“Wait, so you see each other every week now but you still haven’t asked for his number?” Chan said in disbelief during one of their frequent calls.

“Well, you know, now that we’re friends, I don’t want to ruin anything between us,” Felix postured. “What if I tell him how I feel and then he doesn’t want to hang out anymore?”

Felix had convinced himself that Hyunjin had absolutely no interest in him. To express to him how he felt and potentially lose the time they spent together… it was unbearable to even conceive. He found his days infinitely brighter when he spent them beside Hyunjin. The way he joked about everything, the way he always had a compliment ready to boost Felix’s spirits, the way he talked about new plants from work with shining eyes, even the way he clumsily moved about Felix’s small apartment; Felix was enamoured with everything about him. He wasn’t ready to let that go.

One day, Hyunjin brought chicken alongside his usual flower delivery.

“I got paid today,” He said by way of explanation.

Felix didn’t protest and cleared a space on the low table for them to eat together. He discovered with bemusement that Hyunjin was a bit of a clumsy eater, smearing sauce around his lips like it was lipstick. Pointing at his own lips, Felix guided Hyunjin’s confused stare to the source of complaint, and sighed as Hyunjin reached up to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand.

Taking a piece of tissue, Felix leaned over and caught Hyunjin’s hand, prying his fingers open and enclosing the tissue within them. With his face inches from Hyunjin’s, he raised his eyebrows judgmentally, then drew back without a word.  
Hyunjin’s cheeks flushed as he wiped at his mouth with the tissue; he insisted his scarlet face was the fault of the chicken’s spiciness although he had once boasted to Felix about all the super spicy food he was able to eat.

Felix also realised that Hyunjin was emotional about even the smallest of things.  
When Felix made lunch for them both one day, to his surprise, tears welled up in Hyunjin’s eyes as he ate. The sight of a person he had strictly associated with happiness until that moment suddenly about to cry sent Felix into a panic, he offered to throw the food away but Hyunjin stopped him, saying it was the most delicious thing he had ever eaten. 

When they talked about their dreams, Felix found out that he had more in common with Hyunjin than he had thought.

“I don’t really have any big dreams or anything,” Felix said, slumped over the table. “I just want to live a normal life, work a job that pays the bills, and someday live with someone I love in a nice apartment with two dogs and a cat.”

“Why specifically two dogs?” Hyunjin asked, bemused.

“Well that way they’ll always have someone to play with.”

Hyunjin rested his head to one side. “I’m the same. I don’t really have a dream or anything.”

“Really? I assumed you wanted to be a florist,” Felix said, realising how shallow his words sounded.

Hyunjin took it in stride, rocking as he spoke. “No way, the shop work’s just for now. I like it but it’s not what I want to do forever.”

It was a humid June day and even with the window open, the air in Felix’s apartment was stifling. He wished he had a fan or an air conditioning unit to help combat the sweat dripping down his back. His mouth was too dry to speak.

“I think,” Hyunjin continued, glancing at Felix. “That whatever I end up doing, all I want is to be happy.”

At the beginning of July, Hyunjin brought Felix roses again. 

“These ones are white,” He said.

They were placed in a tall glass vase, left on Felix’s desk beside an open sketchbook. As dictated by routine, Hyunjin was already sitting at the table in the apartment’s centre. He was staring at the TV screen standing on an upturned cardboard box, currently airing the pause screen of a game Felix had been playing.

“What are you playing?” Hyunjin asked. He leant forwards, his arms long enough to cross the table’s length in one, swift movement. He squished his cheek into the wooden surface as he turned to look at Felix for further explanation. There was a delay in response however as Felix thought about how Hyunjin in that moment might have been the cutest person he had ever seen.

“Oh, it’s called Resident Evil… it’s like, a zombie game,” Felix picked up the controller from where he’d left it. “Let me just find a save point and I’ll turn it off.”

“Can I watch you play?”

“It won’t be fun to watch, I’m not very good.” Felix said.

“That doesn’t matter! I’m just curious,” Hyunjin sat up slightly, clasped his hands together and gave Felix his best puppy dog expression. “Please?”

“O-okay,” Felix gulped. “Let me know if it gets boring, though.”

“Okey dokey.”

For the first 20 minutes or so, Hyunjin was completely engrossed in the gameplay. He screamed at the jump scares, asked unending questions about characters and game mechanics, and cheered Felix on as he desperately tried to manage his inventory whilst dispatching the foes that came his way. This perfect attention broke down around the half-hour mark, and Hyunjin lapsed into silence, simply watching as he’d intended.

Felix was just as absorbed in the game as Hyunjin. It was only after he defeated a boss and turned around to celebrate that he realised Hyunjin had fallen asleep. Catching himself in time, Felix shut his mouth. He paused the game and quieted the TV. The only sound left was the spluttering engines of passing cars and Hyunjin’s steady breathing.

He’d fallen asleep with his head nestled in his arms, light from the window opposite falling across his face in a perfect rectangle. Within its boundaries Hyunjin was painted luminescent. A celestial being chosen by the sun itself, descendent on Earth without reason. No matter how many times Felix saw Hyunjin, he still felt the same as the first time they’d met. The same warmth spread through his chest like azalea bushes come to bloom, lined up on an off-beat path, dripping with summer’s humid touch. To Felix, Hyunjin was the sun; plain and simple.

He wondered how Hyunjin saw him; a customer, an acquaintance, a friend? He wasn’t sure. Classifying their relationship wasn’t an easy task it seemed.

In Felix’s opinion they were friends, plain and simple. They talked about all kinds of things together, laughed together, shared meals together. They enjoyed each other’s company. To say they were friends didn’t seem like too wild an assumption.

Sometimes, however, felt like there was more than that.

There had been an incident, a few weeks prior that had stayed in Felix’s mind ever since.

Hyunjin had stayed later than usual so they could drink together. They had gone overboard, maybe, and both ended up lying flat on their backs beside each other. It was quiet, nothing but the sound of the little fan Felix had invested in rattling away in the background. Crickets sung cheerfully just beyond the window. Felix’s head was spinning.

He rolled over to face Hyunjin, only to find the man staring back at him. The moment they locked eyes a palpable tension filled the air, like heavy clouds before a thunderstorm. Felix felt his heart in his throat but he didn’t take his eyes off Hyunjin. Slowly he reached a hand towards him, fingers twitching as he held it aloft. Felix wasn’t sure what he was trying to do. What was he looking for? Maybe it didn’t matter.

Hyunjin didn’t respond at first. He kept looking at Felix with eyes fluttering under heavy lids. Both of them were quite inebriated. Hyunjin blinked, slowly, then stretched out his hand to meet Felix’s. In the air, he laced their fingers together and then let them fall away a moment later, sitting up since it was apparently time to go home.

They hadn’t discussed what had happened afterwards.

In that moment, Felix had fooled himself into thinking something might happen. That maybe, just maybe, Hyunjin felt the same way he did. Maybe they weren’t friends, and weren’t quite more either; they were stuck in that uncomfortable place in-between the two. Neither of them could find the right words that would let them leave their self-made purgatory. Or so Felix hoped, foolish as it made him feel.

So, how should he classify their relationship?

Felix couldn’t answer.

He watched Hyunjin, quiet and still, like a doll left on a shelf once playtime was over. His placid expression wasn’t exactly peaceful, it was just perfectly ordinary, a sight that had Felix thinking about how Hyunjin had so quickly become a part of his everyday life.

Hesitant at first, Felix reached a hand towards Hyunjin, just like that night all those weeks ago. As he moved it in the frame of the window, the blocked sun cast long shadows across Hyunjin’s face, an eclipse that only Felix was privy to. Hyunjin’s hair had been getting long recently. It was summer now and he wanted to cut it, it was too heavy in such hot weather. Felix hoped he wouldn’t. He wanted to convey that now, rest his hand on Hyunjin’s head in blessing, smooth out the hairs that had fallen out of place. He was so close. It would be so easy.

Hyunjin stirred without warning and Felix all but fell backwards into his rigid sitting position. He quickly grabbed the game controller and pressed start, turning his body away from Hyunjin as he woke up. The menu screen appeared, then disappeared, just in time for a zombie to creep up out of nowhere and pull Felix’s character to their demise. A light giggle sounded from Hyunjin’s direction.

“Man, you really do suck at games, huh?” Hyunjin said, awake, patting Felix on the back.

It was a delicate, reassuring action, but it set Felix’s heart on fire.

_What were they?_

When Hyunjin brought Felix sunflowers, something was off from the moment he stepped through the door. It was a strangely overcast day, not quite hot and not quite cold, so Felix served them fruit juice instead of coffee.

“Check these out,” Hyunjin placed a bundle of sunflowers on the table in the middle of the room. They were bundled up in string, stems dripping dew, freshly cut.

“They’re beautiful,” Felix said, peering at the messy bouquet. “You won’t get in trouble for taking those, will you?”

Hyunjin shrugged. He flopped down into the cushion beside Felix, legs stretched out so that his long legs peeked out the other side of the table. He was still dressed in his work uniform; white shirt with the high collar, the perfectly pressed ribbon that tied it together, high-waisted canvas pants that flared around the ankles. The same outfit as always, better befitting a runway than a flower shop.

It was late afternoon. The sun was past its peak in the sky, laguna rays shaded golden as the day inched closer to night. Felix’s apartment, although small, faced the river. In winter it was cold and unforgiving, but on sweltering summer days when the sun was high in the sky, basking the entire town in its glow, he found his apartment to be in a perfect position to watch it all. On that day in particular the room was set aflame in the afternoon light. It reflected off of every surface as though it were solid gold. Hyunjin, too, was shining. 

Felix stood up and walked over to his small kitchenette. He had left a vase on the drying rack for almost a week in preparation for that Saturday. It was tall, made of cheap glass, a prop he had picked up from a Daiso after a particularly long day at work. He took it over to the table and picked up the sunflowers that Hyunjin had bought him.

“Let me help you,” Hyunjin said. He took the flowers from Felix, resting his hands atop Felix’s fingers for a moment before pulling the stems towards himself. He cleared his throat. “Er, do you have scissors?”

Hyunjin cut the string tied around the flowers and arranged them in the vase. He moved the stalks around one another with deft movements that proved his skill as a florist. It was baffling to Felix that someone who could craft flowers with such gentle hands could only see its art as a tie-over. Once finished, Hyunjin turned to Felix, his lips set in an uncharacteristically straight line.

“How does it look?” He asked.

Felix tapped a finger on his chin. He held his thumb aloft, pretending to gauge its positioning. He shook his head as he lowered his hand, frowning.

“It’s perfect,” Felix said in a deadpan.

Hyunjin threw a piece of the cutaway string in Felix’s direction. There was no strength in the action, but Felix flinched anyway, falling back on his side with one hand up to shield himself from the incoming projectile. He pouted from his helpless position.

“I didn’t even throw it that hard,” Hyunjin huffed, reaching across the table to grab the string from its landing position. As he pulled back, his joints cracked in a sudden burst of noise so sharp that it echoed in the small apartment.

Felix winced. “Hard day?”

“I had delivery duty for the nursery today,” Hyunjin grimaced. “Nothing does your back in quite like lugging 20 bags of soil up two flights of stairs.”

“How are you still in one piece?”

“I’m not. I’m being held together by ibuprofen, energy drinks, and sheer force of will,” Hyunjin beat a fist against his chest and raised it to the sky. “But I’m a fighter. I have to live to see another day.” 

Hyunjin’s familiar dramatics didn’t stop Felix from worrying, however. “If you’re not feeling too hot, you don’t have to stick around today. I won’t be upset if you just wanna go home and get some rest.”

Hyunjin blinked. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re hurt?”

“And miss out on my weekly chance to see my lovely Lixie?” Hyunjin cooed, holding a hand over his heart. “I would never.”

Felix wrinkled his nose at the sickly sweet tone of Hyunjin’s voice. He shifted so that he was lying flat on his back, looking up at the ceiling. He was incredibly tired. His head was full of cotton wool; fluff plucked from the clouds in the sky and stuffed in his ears to clog up his racing thoughts. He was stuck on a loop, beating himself up for his own cowardice. Why couldn’t he say anything to Hyunjin? Was he really so afraid of losing him that he couldn’t tell him the one thing that he was sure of with all his heart? Was love really that frightening? A familiar panic began to settle over him.

“So, what do you think of them?” Hyunjin’s voice pulled Felix back to the present. He blinked, aware once again of his apartment and Hyunjin and the din of steady traffic outside.

“They’re really pretty,” Felix said. He looked at the vase on the table. He couldn’t let such beautiful flowers go to waste. “I should probably get started before the sun sets so I have an idea of what I’m gonna do for a light source.”

Felix didn’t move. He just continued to stare at the ceiling.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked.

“Motivation is dead.”

“Can I make a suggestion, then?” Hyunjin suddenly laid himself on his side, propping his head up with his hand. “Draw me.”

“No.”

“Why not?” Hyunjin demanded, lifting himself up.

“I draw flowers not people,” Felix glanced over at Hyunjin. “Isn’t that the reason you come here so often?”

Hyunjin didn’t reply. He sat back up, drawing his legs closer so that he was sitting cross-legged, curling in on himself. The sight made Felix’s heart twinge.

How long had Felix liked Hyunjin?

It seemed like it had always been that way. Even before they met, Felix had been waiting for Hyunjin, he thought. A blossom with petals closed to the world, waiting for the sun’s rousing touch to bloom in all its vibrancy. Felix wasn’t in full-bloom yet, that was a far-off dream still, but being near Hyunjin made him believe that someday he would be more than just a shrinking violet.

The moment that Felix had set eyes on Hyunjin, he had been in love with him. No matter what Chan said. At first, all he had known about Hyunjin was that he was pretty and that he knew a lot about flowers. He didn’t want to work in the shop forever, but still Hyunjin’s eyes glittered like the milky way as he lectured Felix about roses one day; about the different species, about their uses, about their cultural significance, and about their meaning in flower language.

_“Love, I mean, what else could it be?” Hyunjin had said, laughing as though he had told a joke that only he understood._

His feelings had only grown stronger, Felix realised, over the seven months they’d known each other. Hyunjin was loud, boisterous, and over-dramatic; at times Felix found him to be a bit much. But he was also kind to a fault, empathetic to the smallest of circumstances, and incredibly passionate about the things he loved. Hyunjin was the centre of Felix’s universe; so bright, so warm, so dangerous to even get close to - but also an existence so necessary that he shone just on the merit of being alive.

Hyunjin’s sudden silence was unsettling.

Felix pulled himself up to a sitting position, shuffling closer to Hyunjin so that he was sat directly by his side as he spoke. He couldn’t look Hyunjin in the eyes, not yet, he might become another cautionary tale like Icarus if he did.

“The sunflowers are really beautiful,” Felix said. “Thank you for bringing them for me.”

A dog barked somewhere in the distance, drawing Felix’s attention momentarily. When he looked back, Hyunjin had closed the space between them, now inches away. He was close enough that Felix could smell the cologne he knew Hyunjin wore to work; it was on a deeper note than the sweetness of the flowers he surrounded himself with all day, rich and comforting, the kind of scent that Felix wanted to wrap himself up in.

“Felix,” Hyunjin’s face was tight as he spoke. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Felix’s breath caught in his throat. “What?”

Hyunjin shook his head. “I don’t want to keep bringing you flowers like this.”

At that moment Felix regretted not turning on his fan earlier. It was a characteristically hot August day and he was beginning to sweat. His ears were red by now, he knew this without looking, his cheeks, too, no doubt. He stared at Hyunjin’s hand placed on the floor between them. His fingers were splayed out, empty space like a siren’s call. Felix inched his hand closer. 

It really was very hot in that apartment.

“What does that even mean?” Felix’s eyes travelled up to Hyunjin’s chest. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?” Felix tried to laugh, but the sound stopped short, swallowed up on his desert tongue. He swallowed once, and tried again but no sound came out except a small cough. 

His eyes moved with pupils shaking to rest on Hyunjin’s chin. His lips were in frame, those lips that had been the focus of Felix’s gaze many times as he desperately tried to figure out how each of Hyunjin’s features could be so separately beautiful, and then become even more so as a sum of their parts. He still couldn’t figure it out, no matter how many times he tried. 

“Felix.”

The shape of Hyunjin’s lips as he spoke his name seemed so natural, Felix thought, as though it were destined to be that way. Or maybe the heat was getting to him. Either way Felix wanted Hyunjin to keep calling his name forever. 

With feverish courage, Felix raised his head to meet Hyunjin’s eyes. The brightest star in all the universe stared back. It was blinding, too much on an already suffocating day, and there was little Felix could do to stop himself falling forwards. Hyunjin’s hand shot out to steady him. He helped move Felix so that his back was perpendicular to the wall.

Felix shook his head, his vision blurry, and he saw Hyunjin’s outline without filters for the first time. He was golden, a color so rich that it had no right existing in the same space as that drab apartment of his. He couldn’t look at Hyunjin like that anymore, he didn’t want to feel so far away from him all the time. He couldn’t stand it.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked again.

Felix shook his head, reservations discarded as he grabbed blindly for a handful of the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt. He tipped as though unbalanced, forehead resting on Hyunjin’s chest. He still couldn’t see, but he didn’t need it now; he could hear his own heartbeat guiding his words as his innermost desires flooded forth like an exploding star.

“Please don’t leave…” He mumbled.

“Felix…?”

“Don’t leave me, please… I don’t want you to go.”

He was crying, Felix realised, not by the sensation of tears falling from his eyes, but from the stains they were leaving on Hyunjin’s shirt. That beautiful, beautiful shirt. Felix drew back in a panic, rubbing his hand on the tear stains as though he could wipe them away. He was sure that his face was a swollen mess and that point, and the wet gurgle in his throat as he swallowed told him that his nose was definitely running, but he couldn’t think about that at that moment. He could only think about Hyunjin.

Felix snapped his head back so that he was looking up at Hyunjin, hands still resting on his torso. “Don’t go.”

The wind was all but knocked from Felix’s lungs as Hyunjin pulled him into the tightest hug he had ever had. Felix was pressed flat against Hyunjin’s chest, Hyunjin’s hands on his head and back, grip tight as he buried his face into Felix’s shoulder. All Felix could do was cry.

Hyunjin stroked Felix’s head in soft, downward motions that made Felix cry harder. It should have been a comforting gesture, so why did it feel like a goodbye?

Words caught in a loop, Felix muttered once more, “Don’t go.”

Hyunjin drew away. He had always had smooth skin, but in that moment lines appeared as all his face muscles pulled tight. He bit his lip, then on release let his mouth fall open. He was about to speak, but Felix was afraid of what he would say.

“Don’t…”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Hyunjin said. 

Down the hall, someone exited their apartment. The fumbling of keys; jangling metal against steel. Footsteps drawing near then far. The sound of a door opening and closing. Each minute sound became a symphony of noise in the still apartment.

“I‘m not going anywhere,” Hyunjin repeated himself. He moved one hand so that his fingers brushed against Felix’s jaw. There one minute, gone the next. A faltering movement backing up strong words. “That’s not what I meant.”

Felix sniffed, very aware of his runny nose. 

“I don’t want to bring you flowers anymore because I don’t want it to be my only excuse to see you,” Hyunjin cracked a weak smile. “Do you see what I’m getting at?”

Felix shook his head.

“Felix…” Hyunjin rested his hand against Felix’s cheek. “I don’t want to just see you for a few hours here and there. I want to see you all the time.”

It was as though Felix’s brain had decided to stop processing language. He heard the words, he understood them on a basic level, but when he tried to string the meaning of the sentence together, he couldn’t make any sense of it. Felix frowned.

“What?”

Hyunjin laughed. “Honestly, you’re so ridiculous sometimes… Felix, I’m absolutely head over heels in love with you.”

It was the final blow. The floodgates were open already, but water began to rush forth with renewed vigor. Felix’s tears feel in turgid streams across his cheeks, hiccups accompanying the sound of his incessant sniffles.

“Why are you crying even more?” Hyunjin said in disbelief. He wiped at the space beneath Felix’s eyes, trying to catch the tears as they fell. It was a useless gesture, but Hyunjin tried anyway.

“I don’t know,” Felix began. “I’ve liked you for such a long time, I just… I never even imagined you might like me too.”

“I’ve literally brought you flowers, free-of-charge, every week for months now and you’re really trying to tell me you had no idea?” Hyunjin poked Felix in the forehead. “Lee Felix, you are absolutely clueless. But that’s what I like about you.”

“I really had no idea…” Felix sniffed. “God, I’m crying so much, one sec…”

Felix stood up, wobbled as though he were about to fall, caught himself in time and ran to the bathroom, only to see the absolute sight that was his face in the mirror. He looked puffier than the time he had been stung by a bee as a kid. Of course he would receive a love confession when he looked a mess. Trying to swallow his rising embarrassment, he grabbed a wad of tissues, dried his eyes, blew his nose, and then splashed water on his face for good measure. 

When he returned, Hyunjin hadn’t moved an inch.

“Sorry,” Felix said. He sat back down in his original position, unsure if he could withstand sitting so close to Hyunjin whilst his head was still spinning. “I don’t know why I cried so much.”

“Me either,” Hyunjin leaned his head to one side. “I’ve known you for seven months now but this is the first time I’ve seen you cry.”

“Well, I’ve never had a reason to before,” Felix reasoned.

“I know it’s sudden but can I ask you on a date?”

Felix scratched his face. “I’d like that.”

“Are you free next weekend?”

“That soon?” Felix asked. “Yeah, I think so…”

“Then I’ll ask for Saturday off. Let’s go do something fun.”

Felix nodded. He stared at Hyunjin without fear of being caught for once. He realised now he could stare at him as much as he liked without having to make up excuses for it. He could just simply be in the truth that he loved him. Felix smiled to himself, kneading his fists into the floor.

“What’s the smile for?” Hyunjin returned his own smile, reaching out to nudge Felix’s arm.

Felix swayed slightly from the provocation. “I’m just really, really happy.”

“Me too…” Hyunjin gazed back at Felix, his eyes wandering across his face. Felix tried to stay still despite the overwhelming urge to block his face from Hyunjin’s view. His eyes wandered from Felix’s own, to his nose, to his philtrum, and then down to his lips… they held there. Felix leaned in slightly so that he was closer to Hyunjin yet again. Within kissing distance.

Felix closed his eyes, anticipating what was to come next.

Then nothing happened. 

He opened his eyes to see Hyunjin had taken the plastic vase to the kitchenette, filling the bottom with water. Felix sighed.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“The flowers needed water,” Hyunjin responded, bringing them back to sit in the middle of the table. His cheeks were as pink as the peonies he had once brought for Felix. “It’ll help them stay fresh a little longer.”

“I’m curious. Why did you decide to bring sunflowers today?”

Hyunjin rubbed at the back of his neck, unable to look at Felix. It was momentary, however, as he turned around with the brightest smile on his face.

“They reminded me of you.”

*

Saturday.

They met in front of the bus station. Felix rushed down the hill to meet Hyunjin, propelled forward by a sense of urgency that he wasn’t quite used to. His heart was pounding, from running and from worrying. Awake since dawn, listening to early draws of traffic rousing on the street outside, Felix had laid for hours in the darkness of his one room apartment worrying. He had asked Hyunjin to let him plan their date, but with the day suddenly upon him, he couldn’t help but pick his plan to pieces. He laid there, thinking.

Despite being awake so early, he was almost late to meet Hyunjin. He just couldn’t decide on an outfit. Fashion wasn’t something he had paid much attention to before. When he lived in the city, he had two outfits: business casual for work, and bedtime casual for dossing about at home. Even since moving to Gangwon, this pattern hadn’t really changed. Not once had he put thought into what he wore - so why did it matter now? After consulting with Chan, he had settled on a beret and sweater vest combination that made him feel like a living artist stereotype.

This is what Hyunjin commented on first when Felix arrived, out of breath, about to collapse, in front of the bus station.

“You look like an artist!” Hyunjin exclaimed.

Felix smoothed down his beret, a familiar sense of embarrassment taking over him. “Does it look ok?”

Hyunjin tapped his chin. Then, in a moment of inspiration that lit up his entire face, he reached into his shoulder bag and produced a pair of thin-framed, round glasses. Felix dipped his head quizzically.

“Hold still,” Hyunjin whispered. He leaned forwards, opening up the glasses and pushing them onto Felix’s face so the temples settled neatly on top of his ears. He kept his hands cupped around Felix’s face for a moment, eyes searching Felix’s own before he stepped back with a smile.

Hyunjin held his thumb in front of him, mocking the way Felix had checked the placement of the sunflowers the week before, then nodded in satisfaction. “Perfect. Now you look like the real deal.”

Smacking his hand away, Felix walked past into the station. A high-pitched whine erupted from behind him as he did so, and then Hyunjin was clinging onto his arm like Felix would disappear if he didn’t hold on so tight. Where their arms were linked, Felix could feel pins pricking at his skin. It was a sharp sensation, but not necessarily an uncomfortable one.

They had an hour long bus ride to reach their destination. Felix bought their tickets, despite Hyunjin’s incessant protests, and they settled into seats at the back to waste the time away. They played a version of 21 questions to get to know each other better and Felix discovered that Hyunjin had moved to Gangwon in high school. He hadn’t gone to university, hadn’t even thought about going. He loved dramas, especially ones that made him cry, and he missed his pet dog who had gone back to Seoul with his parents. Felix, in return, shared more of himself with Hyunjin in that hour than he had with anyone else in his life.

It was still unbelievable to Felix that he could be sitting there beside Hyunjin like that. Hyunjin had taken the seat beside the window, pressing his forehead to the glass to stare out at the mountains and fields passing them by. They had been lucky with the weather; there was no forecast of rain for that day. It was hot, humid, and overcast, but there had been no need to haul an umbrella along with them. The sky was filled in with grey charcoal, but Hyunjin’s presence made everything brighter. When Hyunjin caught Felix staring at him during the long journey, he would reach over and pinch his cheeks like he was a baby, inciting half-angry protests from the victim.

They reached their destination and streamed out of the bus with the families and elderly couples also taking advantage of the relatively good weather to enjoy a day out amongst the mountains.

Hyunjin strayed from the bus to look out at the view with hands on hips. The mountains beyond the town encompassed the horizon in emerald foliage, dormant giants resting gently. Felix joined Hyunjin. He covered his eyes with his hands and squinted into the distance. It wasn’t an unusual sight for Hyunjin, Felix would have thought, but he seemed captivated all the same. Felix slipped his hand into Hyunjin’s and tugged.

“Come on, we still have some travelling to do.”

A short taxi ride carried them further out from the city, into a smaller village where Felix’s surprise was spread out before them. Hyunjin pressed his hands against the car window, staring out with his mouth wide open. He looked back to Felix, a shocked expression still in place, but with eyes aflame. Felix smiled.

It had taken a little bit of research, but Felix had finally found a nearby sunflower field to visit. It was approximately 7,116,635 sq. ft in size, a veritable ocean nestled at the mountains’ feet. They had come just before the fields would be closed to visitors for the year, which was reflected in the swarms of people crawling between the flowers. Felix and Hyunjin joined them, Hyunjin rushing ahead like an eager puppy, leaving Felix jogging to keep up with his long strides.

They walked between the fields with wonder in their eyes. Every which way they turned they were met with sunflowers as tall as they were, syrup sweet disks turned towards the sun. It was a scene not unlike that of a fairytale. Felix soon discovered that Hyunjin had brought a camera with him, a neat, little thing with a lanyard to tie it around one’s neck. He started off taking shots of the sunflowers themselves, framing the mountains in the background, babbling about finding the perfect composition as he did so. Felix listened eagerly, adding his own artist's insight, and the two of them became caught up in the endeavor to take the perfect photograph. They wandered the designated paths, trying out different angles, different subjects, but not quite finding what either of them were looking for.

The clouds overhead had turned black as they had ventured further and further into the fields, and they were deep amongst the leaves when the heavens opened and proved the day’s forecast completely wrong. Rain soaked the ground in seconds, a violent deluge from nowhere. People scattered. Felix and Hyunjin huddled in place before Felix spottered a wooden structure in the distance that seemed to provide shelter.

He grabbed Hyunjin’s hand. “This way!”

They ran as fast as they could to a lookout point made of wood, risen from the ground, completely empty in the sudden storm. They battered up the steps into shelter as the rain continued to attack the fields around them. The sunflowers swayed in a panicked dance, as though to summon even more rain. Felix shook his head vigorously, raindrops splattering onto the floor. He was soaked.

Hyunjin was too. His polo shirt and chinos clinging tight to his limbs, thick material weighed down with the sudden moisture. His hair was dripping, dark strands pasted against his cheeks. With a heavy sigh, Hyunjin pushed back his bangs, leaving his forehead bare, a sight Felix hadn’t been able to see before. His heart was racing.

“I can’t believe the weather report betrayed us,” Hyunjin said, staring out into the rain.

“I can,” Felix sighed. “I’m sorry… I should’ve found something to do indoors, then even if it rained it wouldn’t have mattered. I messed up.”

There was turmoil in Felix’s thoughts. No one emotion seemed to be able to beat out the others, resulting in a haze working its way through his stomach. He looked down at the floor. He had been so worried about their date, only to go and ruin it…

“Don’t say that,” Hyunjin said, expression unreadable. “This is amazing.”

Felix looked back up, cautious as he approached Hyunjin. Hyunjin pulled his camera up to his face, looking through the viewfinder and taking a picture. He lowered it down for Felix to see the outcome. The image of the rain against the lens, the blurred lines of rays and sky, an ethereal streak of moss green on the horizon - it was incredible.

A soft smile gripped Hyunjin’s features as he turned to Felix proper. “Thank you for bringing me here. This might be the best day of my life.”

Heart swaying like the sunflowers, Felix wasn’t sure how to respond. Why had he brought Hyunjin all the way out there in the first place?

“I thought the only way to repay you for all the flowers you brought me was to give you a whole field of them.” Felix said.

At first, Hyunjin looked like he was about to cry. He blinked rapidly, twisting his head so he was facing out to the fields, and then back again, biting his lip. There were no more words needed as he let his camera fall against his torso, and took Felix’s face in his hands. Hyunjin rubbed Felix’s freckles with his thumb, eyes roaming over each one as though he were marking coordinates on a map. Felix’s heart was about to explode but he didn’t want Hyunjin to stop. His ears were burning scarlet, but now he didn’t care if Hyunjin saw. He was entirely lost in the world they had carved for themselves, just the two of them frozen in the midst of a rainstorm on a humid August day. Felix wanted the moment to last forever. Then, Hyunjin leaned in and pressed his lips against Felix’s. The kiss that had eluded them for so long now blossoming under the surprising chill of summer. It was sweet and delicate, and Felix gave into it like his heart had stopped. They were secure in each other’s arms and in that moment, nothing else mattered. Not work or deadlines or rent or rampant worries about insignificant troubles. They all faded to grayscale. 

All that mattered to Felix, in that moment and maybe always, was Hyunjin.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how a piece that was only meant to be 5,000 words ended up being almost triple the length but, hey.
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this! 
> 
> Since my other work is a slow burn where the romance isn’t going to start til the second half, I really wanted to sit down and write a one-shot that I could fill with awkward attempts at flirting and a messy confession scene. I hope my fellow hyunlix appreciators enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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